Sister Judi Morin, SSA
Four Choices
When I think of the United States of America, I pray that the disconnections can reverse so that the U.S.A. is truly the United States. As I listen to the news, I see so much of what we call the “Four D’s of Disconnection” which leads to disunion:
• Diagnosing – judging, labeling, criticizing
• Denying responsibility for one’s actions or feelings… blaming the other or myself in some way
• Demanding – rather than requesting, leaving the other free
• Deserving – I or they deserve or don’t deserve
It is so easy – and dividing – to live our lives in this arena.
But we do have a choice.
As I prayed this morning, I “heard:”
“My dear world, you are heading for a crash. Slow down. Breathe. Relax into the present, My presence. Let love come into you.”
We, each of us, can make a difference. We can light our candle, sending light into a dark world. Here is one way that helps me to light my candle in part of the world.
When I hear someone express a different opinion from my own strong opinion, I have four choices to direct the conversation:
- I can see them as wrong and argue with all of my clear concise logic. Has that ever worked for you? For me it just divides us further.
- I can go silent because I feel unable to come up with a clear argument. I go away feeling disappointed in my lack of brilliance. This just increases my own frustration and further divides us.
But, there are two other choices, choices that light our candle for the world. Before we share our own thoughts, in order to be heard and to hear, we need to be open to each other. So here are two possibilities:
3. I can stop and breathe and get in touch with my own feelings and needs around the topic. For example: “I am feeling really sad and would like unity in our country.”
4. I can stop and breathe and open to the other’s feelings and needs. For example, “I can hear your deep love and care for our country and your desire and hope that all would love our country too.”
How do I choose between #3 and #4?
I need the help of the Divine Spirit to choose. So I breathe in God’s Spirit and open to the other. I ask what would be the more uniting start in response in order to increase unity: expressing my own feelings and needs or listening for those of the other.
Then, bathed in the love of the creator of each of us, I look on the other with that care that I would love to receive and begin.
Sister Judi Morin, SSA, of Victoria, B.C. Canada, is co-author of the “NVC (Nonviolent Communication) Toolkit for Facilitators.” She provided chaplaincy at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks. This was followed by 26 years as a prison chaplain with the Correctional Service of Canada and Center for Nonviolent Communication, for which she was a certified trainer. Sister Judi still provides her skills as a mentor and facilitator for groups and individuals seeking to empower others through restorative justice.
